Friday

God I am so lazy. Like proper taking the piss lazy. This kind of lazy. And this kind of lazy. There was one day when I was ripping open a frozen pizza, and I actually took a break and sat on the couch for five minutes. Teamed with this charming new lifestyle, my financial situation is DIRE. I am the human reflection of the Irish economy. I had a bowl of mashed potatoes as a main course one day. Now I wasn’t raised eating foie gras and using hired actors as foot stools but that’s madness. It was like eating a mashed rusk.

I will get a job today.

Delusions aside, I am loved up. That is the good news. How long for? Not too long I would imagine.

When  I left you, Man Friend had confessed his everlasting – can’t live without me – I am his world, love. Ahem…  I am a writer; giving hair and make up to the truth is my job.

What to do?! I might as well admit that I am absolutely besotted, infatuated, limerent with MF. Of course I had to do the initial

“I don’ t think I feel that way about you anymore… I’ve moved on (in the form of energizer rabbit Clunge from graduation, although I didn’t specify how I had moved on.)”

Let me just point out that I am not really this calculated; time has just given me the gift of hindsight. At the time I was trying to resist the star crossed mess I knew it would become.

Rampant protestations dealt with, the vibe that we were going to get it on it the next time we saw each other was in the air. So beautiful. Like blossoms in the breeze… No at that point it was more like – the need to finish a job.

Do you know when you’re canoodling with someone, flirting, giving the dirty eye over a time period? And for whatever reason, you didn’t end up getting your hole? And then you have this overwhelming urgency to FINISH WHAT YOU STARTED. Whether they want to or not! (I’m joking…) Mama didn’t raise no quitter.

I was still being chained to a desk for eight hours a day at this stage. He came over one day after work. I mean it was planned. I gave the sitting room the ol’ once over. Spent about an hour and a half in the shower. Practically burst a vein when I discovered Wife had used the last of my Veet, then proceeded to plan b it with some wax strips I found in my drawer from the late nineties, making a complete mess of the triangle I was trying to maintain and causing myself untoward emotional distress and physical pain. So yea, a casual meeting.

Man Friend doesn’t give a shit. It’s part of his charm. He says that he really cares about what people think but his demeanor would indicate otherwise, which is why I was so surprised when he unzipped his jacket to reveal a big fancy man shirt. Was he actually into this? As much as me?

We went to Teco, bought some treats, kissed in the kitchen, ate some salad, kissed on the couch, watched Misfits, cuddled on the couch, went to bed… the good part is coming… We didn’t have sex.

Once in my Venus Man Trap, sorry, excuse me, I mean bedroom, I started to unbutton his shirt. Not in a “I don’t give a fuck about how much this cost” kind of way, just the top two buttons.

“What are you doing?”

What do you say to that? In a Russian accent,“I am seducing you.”

I just settled for.

“Umm…”

“I feel a bit stupid standing here with my shirt like this.”

We kissed for a while and I cursed my bad judgement for making me remove every stray hair on my body because of a premature assumption.

“Did you want to have sex?”

The clock was ticking and I was conscious of the fact that I had turned into a massively dull bastard and was thinking about getting up for work the next day, so I ruefully said no.

I skipped to work the next day leaving MF sleeping like an angel. Back in the old days, when I had a job and could afford to eat food other than root vegetables, Friday was a half day. I came home and got back into bed. We cuddled and kissed for a while (I looooove him) and then his Dad called him about their lunch date.

He damned the bad timing of it all but then decided since it would only take an hour that I should just come to his house and play with his kitten (the masculinity of it) and wait for him. We snuggled on the couch all day and then he started to get a bit cold and distant so I thought it best to leave him be, he walked me out, and kissed me on the street. I kissed him back and he said,

“Ugh… I’m not big on public displays.”

Choke it down DM.

I walked home and the next day he text me and said he couldn’t handle getting into another relationship and the whole thing, the pressure of it was making him feel shit.